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[双语阅读] 情感贴士:怎样对付具有控制欲的配偶?

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发表于 2010-2-26 23:19 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式


Question
I used to have a ton of friends—then I got married. My wife can't stand any of my buddies. I've tried to adjust and only hang with our married friends, but I don't get invites to my pals' parties, backyard barbecues or nights out anymore. I love my wife, but I feel horrible not having my old friends around. What can I do?
-- Friendless in My Own Hometown

Dear Friendless,
Not to put too fine a point on it, but your wife is treating you like a dog that only she is allowed to walk. I'm guessing she loves you deeply and wants to keep you close. But she is limiting you in ways that are bad for you and ultimately bad for your marriage. Ask her to lengthen the leash, lest you start seeing her as a restraint to happiness rather than the source of it.

Question
I'm the youngest of three and have always taken care of my parents. Mom is now a widow. I live nearby and am saddled with daily calls, bills, doctors' appointments, everything. Did I mention I have a husband and three kids, go to school and work part-time? My brother retired to Florida. My sister doesn't work but says if my brother won't help, she won't either. How can I get my siblings to pitch in?
-- Tired

Dear Tired,
Sounds like you're stuck being the good child, the one who knows how to love responsibly and give back. You might have to put direct help from your sibs out of your mind, but don't be afraid to ask for their help with the bills or paperwork. In the meantime, enlist the help of friends, church groups and social services to relieve your day-to-day burden.

Question
My co-worker brags all day long. Her husband spoils her with expensive gifts. Her kids get high honors in advanced-placement classes. She takes incredible vacations. She has to top everyone. I've tried to steer conversations to other topics, but she goes on and on. What can be done to shut her up?
-- Ear Full

Dear Ear,
Bragging usually masks insecurity. You can't steer or stop your colleague. The more unappreciated she feels, the more she'll boast. Just agree with her—yes, she has brilliant kids and an amazing marriage—and walk away.

I Love Him But ...

Question
I love my boyfriend, but we don't share the same values. I want kids; he doesn't. I'm religious; he's an atheist. Everyone tells me to drop him. But I know he loves me and respects my beliefs. Should I follow my heart?
-- Valentine Quandary

Dear Quandary,
How much are you willing to sacrifice for this love? Children? God? Those are biggies. Love between incompatible people is cute only in the movies. Maybe this guy would make a better friend. Leave your heart open for someone with whom you can share your values and your entire self.

Question
I'm a nursing student and the oldest of five children. My family is counting on me to succeed, but I didn't make the grade and have to repeat the semester in six months. I'm so disappointed that I let my parents down. I don't know how to tell them.
-- Failure

Dear Failure,
You aren't letting them down! Working hard to enter an honorable profession should make any loving family proud. Needing to retake classes because you learn at a different pace is not shameful, just a fact. Why don't you spend the next six months volunteering in a nursing-related function, maybe at a local hospital? Learn all you can, and go back to school with the confidence of a committed student and a future nurse.

Question of the Month
I'm an officer in a high school parent organization. One mother in the group believes the teacher favors my daughter over hers because of my position, and she's made false statements about me that sparked irate phone calls from other parents. I've worked hard for the program,but her backstabbing is really getting to me. How can I pull the knife out?
-- Wounded

Dear Wounded,
Sometimes being willing to play rough is the only way to stop a bully. At the next PTA meeting, take on this mom publicly. Cite specific false statements she's made and demand she either back up her allegations or correct them. This is as much about your daughter's reputation as it is your own, so put up your dukes.

 

提问:

我曾经有很多的朋友—终于我结婚了。我妻子受不了我的那些伙计们。我试着适应只和那些结过婚的朋友在一起,但是我再也没被邀请参加我那些伙计们的聚会,聚餐或者是晚上找我出去消遣。我爱我的妻子,但是我的朋友们不在我身边使我感觉很糟。我该怎么做?

------没朋友致 在家乡

亲爱的没朋友:

不要把问题看得太细,但是你的妻子的确把你看做只有他才能遛的狗一样。我想她一定深深的爱着你从而想把你拉得更近。但是她正在用一种对你和你们的婚姻都不利得方式来限制你。建议他把链条放长一点,免得你把它看做是幸福的一种约束力而非源泉。

提问:

我是家里三个孩子中最小的一个,而且经常照顾父母。我父亲已经去世了。我就住在她附近,负责着每天打电话,付账单,安排医生,所有的事情。我告没告诉过你我还有一个丈夫和3个孩子,要上学,要兼职?我哥哥在佛罗里达退休了。我姐姐没有工作但是他说如果我哥哥不帮助我他也不会。我怎么才能让我的哥哥姐姐来插手这件事呢?

----泰瑞得

亲爱的泰瑞得,

听起来你一直在做一个好孩子,一个知道如何负责人的去爱并且回报的好孩子。你最好还是把从你兄弟姐妹那里得到直接帮助的想法放弃吧,但是当有文书工作或账单的时候不要害怕去找他们寻求帮助。与此同时,来自朋友,教会组织,社会机构的帮助也可以减轻你每天的负担。

提问:

我的同事每天都在不停地吹牛。她的丈夫总是用昂贵的礼物宠着她。她的孩子们以在贵族班学习而自豪。她总是度过令人难以置信的假期。她总是凌驾于众人之上。我试着去谈些别的话题,但是她还是继续说。我怎样才能让她闭上嘴呢?

-----艾尔 福尔

亲爱的 艾尔,

自夸通常是不在乎的表现。你不要转移话题或者阻止你的同事,她越是觉得不被羡慕就会越喜欢自夸。对他表示赞同--是的,她的确有出色的孩子和绝佳的婚姻--然后走开。

我爱他但是......

提问

我爱我的男朋友,但是我们不能统一观点,我想要孩子;他不想。我信奉宗教,他确实无神论者。所有人都让我和他分手。但是我知道他爱我并且尊重我的信仰。我应该跟着感觉走吗?

----瓦伦汀·康达利

亲爱的瓦伦汀,

你希望从爱情中得到多少满足感?孩子?上帝?那些是最重要的。在两个相对立的人之间所产生的爱情只会在电影中出现。或许这个小伙子只会是一个好朋友。向一个你能和他一起分享你的想法和所有的一切得人敞开心扉吧。

提问:

我是一个护理专业的学生,并且是家里五个孩子中最年中的一个。我的家人都期待我能够成功,但是我留级了并不得不用6个月的时间重读整个学期。我让我的父母失望了,这是我很沮丧。我不知道怎么和他们生说。

----一个失败者

亲爱的失败者,

你并没有让他们失望。努力地进入一个光荣的行业是值得任何一个充满爱的家庭所自豪的。由于你用一种不同的步伐来学习而不得不重修课程并不是丢人的事情,而是事实。你为什么不在今后的6个月里去护理有关的机构做志愿者,比如地方的医院?尽力去学,然后作为一个委任的学生回到学校成为一个未来的护士。

提问:

我是中学家长组织的一名办公室人员。我们这有一位母亲坚信老师之所以偏向我的女儿是因为我的职位的原因,她还对我制造舆论,这导致愤怒的家长们纷纷打来电话。我为这个项目一直努力工作,但是她在背后捣鬼的确伤害了我。我要怎样回击呢?

————一个受伤害的人

亲爱的受伤害的人,

有时候,表现粗暴是停止威胁的唯一方式。在下一次PTA会议上,把这位母亲公开的提出来。具体的举例塌所说的一些虚假的陈述并且要求她撤回那些陈述或者更改他们。这对你你和你女儿的声誉都很重要,所以亮出你的王牌吧。

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